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Litany Against Beards

I must shave my beard.
The beard is [not] a lady-killer.
The beard is the facial pelt that brings social isolation.
I will deface my beard.
I will permit it to pass over the sink and through the drain.
And when it has gone past I will turn my chin to see if I missed any.
When the beard has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

(reference)

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